I Know Nothing Ahead of Time

My certification as a Focusing professional took place on April 1st. Of course, during my certification assessment, I spent some time listening to my insides. At the close of my Focusing, they gave me a knowing. As I stepped forward into the “fullness of this” (my self as a certified Focusing professional), my insides wanted me to remember that I “know nothing beforehand,” reminding me of the Fool card in the Tarot deck.

This was very satisfying to hear. It is an experiential reminder of how I want to be in life, with myself and other people, and especially with psychotherapy and Focusing clients. It’s like Gene Gendlin says,

I want to start with the most important thing I have to say: What matters is to be a human being with another human being, to recognize the other person as another being in there… So, when I sit down with someone, I take my troubles and feelings and I put them over here, on one side, close, because I might need them. And I take all the things that I have learnt… and I put them over here, on my other side, close. Then I am just here... There are no qualifications for the kind of person I must be. What is wanted for the big therapy process, the big development process, is a person who will be present.

It is useful to have learned things. But they do not guide my being with myself or someone else. Reb Zalman Schachter Shalomi writes that it is necessary to leave what I know. I “have to leave the here to go there, to sacrifice the here for there.” In the holy place of “being with,” I must release myself from thinking that I know anything. Otherwise, what do I know? Only what I knew before. But touching the awe and mystery of what is happening now is dependent on not knowing, on not putting things in boxes. I must open a window through which I can see Ain Sof, the Open Space of the shining, infinite light of the Divine. “The place of unknowing… is desirable ignorance,” teaches Reb Nachman of Bratslav.

Just like The Fool, I have my traveller’s pack. It is here with me, on my shoulder in case I need the contents along the way. I know how to support people in process and by listening. I know how to demonstrate to them that I am with them. I know my professional boundaries and how to care for myself so I am in integrity and we are both safe. But how this person will be, who they are, and what is alive in them? This I do not yet know. The responses lie in this very moment. They are what is happening now, and it is for what is happening now that I want to drop my pack and be present. It is in reference to this moment of “being with” that “I know nothing beforehand.”

With gratitude to my Focusing teachers Ann Weiser Cornell, Diane Bourbonnais-Caron and Ruth Hirsch, and to Eugene Gendlin who brought Focusing to the world.

Gendlin, E.T. (1990). The small steps of the therapy process: How they come and how to help them come. In G. Lietaer, J. Rombauts & R. Van Balen (Eds.), Client-centered and experiential psychotherapy in the nineties, pp. 205-224. Leuven: Leuven University Press. Available at http://www.focusing.org/gendlin/docs/gol_2110.html

Shachter Shalomi, Z. and Miles Yepez, N. (2009). A Heart Afire: Stories and teachings of the early Hasidic masters. Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society.

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To celebrate my certification, I am offering two free guided Focusing phone sessions (some conditions apply). Offer expires April 30, 2010. Please contact me for details.

I offer guided Focusing sessions in person or by telephone at the rate of $75/session. You can save $25 when you buy a 3-session package for $200.

I also offer holistic psychotherapy that is grounded in the Focusing process at the rate of $75/hour-long session.

For more information: www.shula.ca ~ shulamit@shula.ca ~ 613-868-YOGA

Spirituality in Psychotherapy

For many of us, bodily feelings have vague meanings. With Focusing, staying with these subtle bodily feelings brings new, clearer meanings.

The coming forth of new, clearer meanings is a process that is both spiritual and transcendent. It is transcendent because it involves moving beyond a former frame of reference in a direction of higher and broader scope. Its spiritual nature lies in the felt shift that results from the sensing of the new meaning and that may involve
experiences like a sense of rightness, bodily felt release, more life energy, and/or a feeling of being more present. The felt shift comes to us as a gift, not as something that we can maintain, create, or control. When a person attends to his or her felt sense and it unfolds into a transcendent growth process accompanied by a felt shift, the Focusing process and the spiritual process become one and the same.

This process definition of spirituality can be experienced by all human beings and does not judge or exclude anyone. The distinction between a process and a content definition is extremely important; each person’s religious beliefs and background, and thus the words and imagery they may use, are unique. But the transcendent, spiritual process in Focusing can be experienced by every person.

This spiritual process is always available to us. But like any aspect of our holistic, intricate, changing processing, we can become alienated from it. Our processing may then become stuck or stopped. Focusing gives us a way to re-connect to this inner experiencing so that our innate impulse toward growth, or transcendence, can carry forward.

Adapted by Shulamit Day Berlevtov based on Elfie Hinterkopf*.

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I offer holistic psychotherapy with a spiritual focus grounded in the process described above at $75/hour.

I also offer guided Focusing sessions in person or by telephone at the rate of $75/session. You can save $25 when you buy a 3-session package for $200.

For more information, see www.shula.ca.

*Hinterkopf, Elfie. (1998). Integrating Spirituality in Counseling: A manual for using the experiential focusing method. The book was first published by the American Counseling Association in 1998 and may now be ordered from The Focusing Institute, 34 East Lane, Spring Valley, NY 10977. The book may be ordered in the UK and Europe only from PCCS Books Ltd., 2 Cropper Row, Alton Road, Ross-0n-Wye, HR9 5LA, UK.

Kripalu Gentle yoga class series starting April 20, Tuesdays 6 - 7 p.m.

Kripalu Gentle yoga class series at Blue Crane

Starts April 20th. 10-week session, Tuesdays from 6-7 p.m. $120. To register, contact Shulamit by e-mail shulamit@shula.ca or 613-868-YOGA.

Location: Blue Crane Yoga and Wellness, www.bluecrane.ca, 202B Main Street (above Wheatberry)

Kripalu yoga is a compassionate approach, emphasizing respect of self in the postures as well as transformation that overflows into daily life. In a Kriplau class, each student learns to find their own level of practice on a given day by looking inward.

Gentle classes begin with stretches that are followed by a series of individual poses and a final relaxation. The viniyoga approach of combining breath and movement is an integral part of this class.

No previous yoga experience is required to attend this class.

Shulamit is a multiply-certified and registered yoga teacher. For information about her, see www.shula.ca.

Charter for Compassion

A call to bring the world together… http://charterforcompassion.org/

The principle of compassion lies at the heart of all religious, ethical and spiritual traditions, calling us always to treat all others as we wish to be treated ourselves. Compassion impels us to work tirelessly to alleviate the suffering of our fellow creatures, to dethrone ourselves from the centre of our world and put another there, and to honour the inviolable sanctity of every single human being, treating everybody, without exception, with absolute justice, equity and respect.

It is also necessary in both public and private life to refrain consistently and empathically from inflicting pain. To act or speak violently out of spite, chauvinism, or self-interest, to impoverish, exploit or deny basic rights to anybody, and to incite hatred by denigrating others—even our enemies—is a denial of our common humanity. We acknowledge that we have failed to live compassionately and that some have even increased the sum of human misery in the name of religion.

We therefore call upon all men and women ~ to restore compassion to the centre of morality and religion ~ to return to the ancient principle that any interpretation of scripture that breeds violence, hatred or disdain is illegitimate ~ to ensure that youth are given accurate and respectful information about other traditions, religions and cultures ~ to encourage a positive appreciation of cultural and religious diversity ~ to cultivate an informed empathy with the suffering of all human beings—even those regarded as enemies.

We urgently need to make compassion a clear, luminous and dynamic force in our polarized world. Rooted in a principled determination to transcend selfishness, compassion can break down political, dogmatic, ideological and religious boundaries. Born of our deep interdependence, compassion is essential to human relationships and to a fulfilled humanity. It is the path to enlightenment, and indispensible to the creation of a just economy and a peaceful global community.

The simple power of being a companion

“For hundreds of thousands of years ... a friend or companion has sat down quietly on the ground close by and listened. And little by little some kind of opening has come, and there has been some sense of a way forward…. It seems more than probable that these simple things have been known at all times and in all places ... We are passing a golden treasure from hand to hand.” Rob Foxcroft

When I read this, I feel comforted in my body. My insides relax and I feel a sense of simple, peaceful calmness and joy. They say, “Yes! This is how I want to be. This is the simple gift I want to give."

Shulamit Day Berlevtov
Holistic Psychotherapy

I support people in transforming what is painful and difficult into meaning, inner spaciousness and new life.

Sessions are available for $75 each or a package of three for $200.

List of Services

Focusing Guiding and teaching: “No matter what you do, when you know Focusing, it will go better.” Focusing is direct access to a bodily knowing. It is a mode of deep listening through inward bodily attention that is more than being in touch with your feelings and different from body work. The skills you will learn in Focusing also enable you to accompany the most difficult of inner experiences with safety and ease. Sessions are available by phone or in person.

Compassionate Communication (Nonviolent Communication or NVC) Coaching and instruction: The NVC process develops skills of consciousness and communication with yourself and others, supporting a quality of connection that gives rise to a flow of natural compassion (particularly when you find this the most challenging to do, and you need compassion the most). The NVC process is useful for personal growth as well as for interpersonal communication and conflict resolution in all kinds of settings including intimate relationships, family and work. Coaching sessions and instruction are available by phone or in person.

Integrative bodywork: Incorporating deep listening through facilitated bodily attention with energy healing through light physical touch, integrative bodywork supports personal growth and healing. It is an opportunity for total mind-body-spirit processing so that you can access and experience freshly the living-forward energy of any situation or issue. Sessions take place clothed, lying on a massage table, in person only.

Restorative Circles facilitation: Restorative Circles are a community response to conflict. With my NVC colleagues in Ottawa/Outaouais, I co-host Restorative Circles for communities that have experienced disconnection and want to restore harmony, dignity, trust and safety.

Tapas Acupressure Technique®: Promotes inner peace, relaxation, vibrant health and empowerment by placing your attention on whatever the issue is and touching a few specific acupuncture points on your face and at the back of your head. Guided TAT® sessions by phone or in person. TAT®, Tapas Acupressure Technique®, and TATLife® are registered trademarks of Tapas Fleming.

Reiki: A holistic, light-touch healing modality that re-establishes a normal flow of life-force energy to support and accelerate your body's innate healing ability. I move through a series of hand placements either directly on or just above your body. Sessions take place with you clothed, lying on a massage table. In Bells Corners.

Yoga and Yoga as Therapy: Integrating Kripalu postures and experiential technology with breath and posture elements from the Viniyoga tradition. Promotes wellness by incorporating body, mind and spirit. Individual Yoga as Therapy sessions are available in person in Bells Corners. Group and individual yoga classes are also available. Please inquire for locations.

Fees: All services are available at the rate of $75/session. Insurance coverage may be available under some extended health care plans. Save $25 by purchasing a 3-session package for $200. All fees are payable in the currency of the payee's country of residence. I accept cash, cheque or Paypal (pay cash directly from your bank account or by credit card without revealing your financial information).

What is Empathy and why you may find value in it?

"Empathy can be likened to standing in another person’s shoes, understanding the feelings and values of another person’s perspective at any given moment. It begins with an internal choice to see from a different point of view, to understand another side of a story. Empathy is the state of being fully present to each other's feelings and needs. Empathy is not agreement, but rather a willingness to fully understand how things look from another’s point of view. To create empathic connection, one need not have ever been in the same situation of the person you are listening to - for example, even if one has never had a child does not mean that they would be unable to empathize with a parent.

Empathy is being present to what the other person is experiencing, not being triggered by it or trying to fix it. When we allow the person who is before us to simply be, without our values, judgments or decisions to be placed upon them, we are offering ourselves in what some have called unconditional love. Connecting with open-hearted curiosity accesses our natural ability to respond with compassion and clarity. It's an experience of mutual giving and receiving.

Empathy is the meeting ground where the needs of all are acknowledged and considered, including our own. When we deeply accept another, the other person is far more open to hearing and understanding us. With empathy we all have a greater chance of resolving conflicts peacefully and meeting our universal needs and values.

"I often say we've got a budget deficit that's important, we've got a trade deficit that's critical, but what I worry about most is our empathy deficit."
—U.S. President Barack Obama" http://nvctraining.com/courses/telecourses/IDEA/empathy-20090816/empathy.html

For opportunities to learn more about the value of empathy and strengthen your empathy skills, contact Shulamit 613-868-9642 or shulamit@shula.ca Individual sessions are available for $75 each or a block of three for $200. Group workshops are also available. Please contact Shulamit for details.

You can also register for a series of FREE empathy teleconference classes at the NVC Academy, an NVC teaching organization I recommend very highly. For more information, see http://nvctraining.com/courses/telecourses/IDEA/empathy-20090816/empathy.html